Let Kids Be Bored
About a year and a half ago I stopped planning so many activities and crafts for my child. I also simplified her toys around the house, stopped rotating toys, and detoxed her from screen time. From those changes, I saw a big improvement in my daughter’s ability to play independently and her creativity really blossomed. In times of boredom, she has learned to start her own projects, and often times the projects and activities that she comes up with are more engaging and occupy more of her time than any activities that I set up for her.
My 4.5 year old in her “art studio,” the corner of our small dining room where I set up an IKEA trofast shelf with some basic art supplies, a bin of found nature items, and a bin of recycling and fabric scraps. She will spend 1-2 hours at a time in her art studio just cutting, taping, gluing, and drawing.
My child absolutely makes huge messes around the house when she’s getting creative, but she’s also building self-confidence, independence, and her imagination! She’s also learning to manage her emotions: boredom is an emotion and when you allow your kids to feel bored they will learn to process and resolve the emotion, improving their self-regulation. Messes are a trade off to building these valuable skills in children.
Most adults I know (including myself) have trouble with the discomfort of boredom; adults are constantly on their phones anytime boredom strikes. Every time I’m waiting in a line or when I’m on public transportation, every single adult seems to be on their phones. Learning to manage boredom in a productive and healthy way is an invaluable skill to teach kids. Leading by example helps too: I don’t pull out my phone around the house when I’m bored, instead I will find something productive to work on, or read a book, or just relax without technology. This is easier said than done, and the book The Practice of Groundedness by Brad Stulberg helped me a lot with practical advice on processing feelings of discomfort, identifying and living my values, being more present, and slowing down in our hyper-stimulated world.
Reducing screen time was an imperative to my child playing better independently and allowing her creativity to blossom. For tips on reducing screen time for kids, I highly recommend the book Reset Your Child’s Brain by Dr. Victoria L. Dunckley. It outlines a four-week screen detox and, if you choose to, how to re-introduce limited screen time in a controlled way. Initially we did the four week screen time detoxtlined in this book, and then after four weeks we added 30-minutes of television on Saturday night. At this point, one-and-a-half years later, we allow up to 1-hour of television each weekend day, no television Monday-Friday, and never any tablet or phone apps.
The other thing that made all the difference for allowing boredom to happen was reducing the number of toys in our home and setting up an environment with open-ended play materials. I found the steps outlined in Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne very helpful and motivating for decluttering toys and it provided valuable ideas for setting up a simple environment that inspires meaningful play.
So let your kids be bored more often! It really builds important skills, and as a bonus my mental load is a little lessened because my child can entertain herself more often!
I hope you found this article helpful! I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!