Rhythm in the Home
Establishing a home rhythm has truly been transformational for our family. We are a family that seriously struggled with routine and organization. My husband and I had difficulty sticking with routines even before we had a child, but after having a child it became apparent that we needed a lot more structure in our lives.
Around the time when my daughter turned three, everything felt very disorganized in our lives. I felt like everything was moving too fast and I just couldn’t keep up. I was feeling so overwhelmed, and I imagine my daughter and husband felt much the same as I did. It felt like there must be a better way, and so I began reading parenting book after parenting book. I discovered Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, You Are Your Child’s First Teacher by Rahima Baldwin Dancy, and Heaven on Earth by Sharifa Oppenheimer. These books stand on the principles of Waldorf education, a pedagogy created by Rudolph Steiner. The biggest transformational change these books brought to my home was establishing a family rhythm. Family rhythms can be used to add balance and predictability to your days.
Rhythms can be daily, weekly, monthly, seasonal, or yearly. Rhythms, like in music, have a pattern. Nature provides us with rhythms, such as the sun rising and setting every day, the tides moving in and out, breathing, and the movement through the seasons of the year. Leaning into natural rhythms and building more rhythm into our days, weeks, and seasons has been so grounding and calming for myself and my family.
What is daily rhythm?
Daily rhythm is the flow of the day and the balance of activities through the day. It is often described as balancing in-breath and out-breath activities. You can figure out if an activity is an in-breath or out-breath by the level of focus and concentration required. Out-breath activities feel like an exhale - running around at the park, going for a walk, or child-led play. In-breaths require a little more focus, and may be quieter activities - reading a book, doing a parent-led activity, packing up for school, eating a meal, or playing a board game. When you have a strong daily rhythm, the day flows naturally, just like breathing.
What is the difference between routines, rhythms, rituals, and schedules?
Routine: Activities that happen repeatedly around the same time on a daily, weekly, monthly, seasonal, or annual interval.
Rhythm: The flow and pattern of routines throughout the day, week, month, or year; the daily balance of activities, alternating between in-breaths and out-breaths.
Ritual: A meaningful routine performed with intention and awareness.
Schedule: The exact time something will happen (ex. school start time and end time, doctor’s appointment time).
Here’s a look at my family’s morning routine, and how we balance in-breaths and out-breaths:
Out-breath: Wake up
In-breath: Get dressed, eat breakfast
Out-breath: Free play
In-breath: Brush teeth, wash face, morning affirmation, pack backpack
Out-breath: Walk to school
And here’s our after school routine:
Out-breath: Play at park
In-breath: Unpack backpack & lunchbox, art / sensory activity together
Out-breath: Free play
In-breath: Family dinner
Out-breath: Free play
In-breath: Put on pajamas, brush teeth, wash face, read books, bedtime
“Rhythm replaces strength.”
What is meant by rhythm replaces strength?
I find that rhythm and routines create discipline for myself. Momentum builds as I follow through with my daily or weekly routine, and it becomes easier and easier to complete the routine. Similarly, rhythm and routine give children a sense of predictability. When it’s decided ahead of time what activity is coming next and children know what is expected of them, there are no longer power struggles or tantrums over the task or activity. Strength and momentum are built from routines, and rhythm makes the day predictable and routines more sustainable. While there will likely be resistance at first when establishing rhythms, I found that after a couple days of a new rhythm that my child enjoys knowing what is coming next, and finds comfort in the predictability.
How to start establishing daily rhythms?
If you’re starting from scratch with rhythms and routines, you may feel like everything is so discombobulated that you don’t know where to start. I felt that way and found it overwhelming. For me, it was easiest to start with one of our bigger struggles, eating at consistent times and sitting at the dinner table.
For a while, we were eating most of our meals in the living room, and our meals were not at consistent times. I started with cooking dinner at about the same time each night and asking my family to sit at the table with me. After we had been eating in the living room for so long, and sometimes with the TV on, my daughter, at three years old, was resistant to eating at the table. I purchased some special placemats with her name on them, and also lit a candle at the table and laid out cloth napkins. This helped entice my daughter to sit at the table with us.
I also made the rule that everyone would sit at the table until we’re all done eating. To get this to work, I gave my daughter an important job of blowing out the candle when the meal was over. Now she’s nearly five years old, and she sometimes still gets up while we’re still eating, but I’m very happy with how long she sits at the table with us.
Adding ritual to routine, like lighting a candle and laying out a special placemat at meal times, or turning on a diffuser with lavender and a special night light at bed time, can help ease a child’s transition into a new rhythm. I found this to be true for my daughter. Making something feel more special helps build rhythms and routines for my family.
I hope you found this article helpful! If you have any tips or ideas about rhythm in the home, please leave a comment below!
